Entries Tagged as 'Silliness'

Chocolate Ice Cream

Not enough silliness in the afternoons. Here you go!

A man approaches an ice cream van and asks, “I’d like two scoops of chocolate ice cream, please.”

The girl behind the counter replied, “I’m very sorry, sir, but our delivery didn’t come this morning. We’re out of chocolate.”

“In that case,” the man continued, “I’ll have two scoops of chocolate ice cream.”

“You don’t understand, sir,” the girl says. “We have no chocolate.”

“Then just give me some chocolate,” he insists.

Getting angrier by the second, the girl asked, “Sir, will you spell ‘van,’ as in ‘vanilla?’”

The man spells, “V A N.”

“Now spell ’straw,’ as in ’strawberry.’”

“OK. S-T-R-A-W.”

“Now,” the girl asked, “spell ’stink,’ as in chocolate.”

The man hesitates, then confused, replied, “There is no stink in chocolate.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” she screams.

Popularity: 23% [?]

Lawsuit Lottery

I wonder if I should enter and try and win the lawsuit lottery…

lawsuitlottery

Popularity: 19% [?]

Optimists

I really am an optimist, despite what you might think reading this blog where I point out losses of freedom daily:

Optimists

Popularity: 18% [?]

How Many Zeros in a Billion

I got this one from Hoosier Army Mom. I’m sure it’s been around a few times, but here it is again.

How many zeros in a billion?

The next time you hear a politician use the word ‘billion’ in a casual manner, think about whether you want the ‘politicians’ spending YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of it’s releases.

A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain…let’s take a look at New Orleans … It’s amazing what you can learn with some simple division.

Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D) asked Congress for 250 BILLION DOLLARS to rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number… what does it mean?

A. Well… if you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, and child) you each get $516,528.
B. Or… if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.
C. Or… if you are a family of four… your family gets $2,066,012.

Washington, D. C
< HELLO! >
Are all your calculators broken??

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax < BR>Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Tax
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago…and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt…
We had the largest middle class in the world…
and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened?
Can you spell ‘politicians!’

And I still have to press “1″ for English.

What the heck happened?????

Popularity: 37% [?]

New Endangered Species

New Endangered Species

Popularity: 23% [?]

McCain’s Ship

McCain\'s Ship

Popularity: 22% [?]

Friday Feast #191

Well, I had been forgetting to do these lighter posts on Fridays. I remembered them because Raven posted one. So I headed on over to the Friday Feast site, only to find that the chef is on vacation! Well, since I missed last week’s feast, I figure it’s okay for me to post last week’s feast today! Hooray!

Appetizer: What is the nearest big city to your home?

What’s “big?” Do you mean “big” as in population? Does it mean the tallest building? Maybe the fattest building? And which “home?” My hometown? The town I grew up in? The town I live in now? And what if my home is in a big city? This question is a tough one!

Soup: On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being highest, how well do you keep secrets?

I’ll never tell!

Salad: Describe your hair (color, texture, length).

Sheesh. Which hair? What do you mean, “I wasn’t supposed to go there?”

Main Course: What kind of driver are you? Courteous? Aggressive? Slow?

When driving what? They really need to give me more details if they expect me to answer these questions. When I drive my matchbox cars, they fly through the air. Is that aggressive? They seem like they’re going slow to me, but I’m sure when you consider the scale of them, they’re really moving!

Dessert: When was the last time you had a really bad week?

Ha! I choose not to have bad weeks! Just like when the economy’s in the tank, I just refuse to participate.

Popularity: 27% [?]

For The Children

This one is for all of you with little colored ribbons. This is for you people who continue to vote to take money I earn to give to government education “For The Children.” This is for you foolish children who are wearing any of those rubber bracelets that claim you “care” about global warming. Go get one of these. Do it now. For the Children.

Hat tip to Raven.

Popularity: 29% [?]

Mahna Mahna

Go ahead, watch it, I dare you.

And I bet you can’t get that song out of your head for hours!

Which is not a bad thing on a Friday, is it?

Popularity: 25% [?]

A Few Ponderings

From GM (with my responses):

Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’.. But it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny going to?

Duh. Government. They collect taxes on anything.

What disease did cured ham actually have?

You do not want to know. Then again, why do you care? After all, it’s been cured!

Why is it that people say they ’slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours?

Maybe because they woke up every two hours? When I hear people say that, I apologize to them. That really confuses them.

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

Yes.

No.

Wait, do YOU want to be the policeman who pulls them over?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

Because all his cash for ACME products was via government grants to “invest” in the local desert economy. He bought dinner once, but the IRS audited him. Why do you think he lives in a cave now?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

If it did, we’d have an AWFUL lot more morality around today.

Oh come on, smile! It’s not that bad (despite the daily loss of freedoms).

Popularity: 22% [?]

Hillary’s Race

Popularity: 37% [?]

Monty Python + Star Wars?

Waaaaaay too much time on their hands. Way too much:

Popularity: 20% [?]

The Banana Splits

I might be dating myself (not in that way, you silly people), but this is just classic (and hearkens back to an age of MUCH better general public morality). I love some silliness, especially on a Friday!

Tra la la, la la la la!

Popularity: 27% [?]

Clinton Lies #2

Oh, this is funny. It’s exactly my thoughts when I heard reports that Clinton lied. Of COURSE she lied. She learned from her husband! Neither of those two would know the truth if it hit them upside the head with a 2×4. Hillary Clinton has absolutely no concept of truth — because it won’t help her get elected.

Clinton Lies

Popularity: 42% [?]

Clinton Lies

I know this is old news now, but it’s still just accurate and funny.

Clinton Lies

Popularity: 41% [?]

Best Baseball Game Ever

In a world where so much is wrong, it’s absolutely wonderful to see good things happen.

Go read.

(It’s Improv Everywhere, in case you’re wondering where the link will take you)

Popularity: 20% [?]

Obama on the Issues

I think this cartoon is exactly correct in clearly illustrating Obama on the issues:

Obama on the Issues

I think calling him an “empty suit” is very exact.

Popularity: 43% [?]

Democrat Direction

Please vote Democrat, because they’re going to take us in a “new” direction.

Democrat Direction

Popularity: 37% [?]

Geek Pranks

I know it’s quite late for April Fool’s, but I got these Top 10 Harmless Geek Pranks from VW Bug. :)

Popularity: 20% [?]

Afternoon Laugh

An afternoon laugh from Kat:

Creative writing exercise:

Here’s a prime example of “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix :

[Read more →]

Popularity: 20% [?]