Entries Tagged as 'Life in NC'

10 Pushups For A Doughnut

This came to me from GM Roper:

There was a certain Professor of Religion named Dr. Christianson, a studious man who taught at a small college in the western United States. Dr. Christianson taught the required survey course in Christianity at this particular institution. Every student was required to take this course his freshman year, regardless of his or her major. Although Dr. Christianson tried hard to communicate the essence of the gospel in his class, he found that most of his students looked upon the course as nothing but required drudgery.

Despite his best efforts, most students refused to take Christianity seriously.

This year, Dr. Christianson had a special student named Steve. Steve was only a freshman, but was studying with the intent of going on to seminary for the ministry. Steve was popular, he was well liked, and he was an imposing physical specimen. He was now the starting center on the school football team, and was the best student in the professor’s class.

One day, Dr. Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him. ‘How many push-ups can you do?’
Steve said, ‘I do about 200 every night.’
‘200? That’s pretty good, Steve, ‘ Dr. Christianson said. ‘Do you think you could do 300?’
Steve replied, ‘I don’t know…. I’ve never done 300 at a time.’
‘Do you think you could?’ again asked Dr. Christianson.
‘Well, I can try,’ said Steve.
‘Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I have a class project in mind and I need you to do about 300 push-ups in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do it? I need you to tell me you can do it,’ said the professor.
Steve said, ‘Well… I think I can…yeah, I can do it.’
Dr. Christianson said, ‘Good! I need you to do this on Friday. Let me explain what I have in mind.’

Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the room. When class started, the professor pulled out a big box of donuts. No, these weren’t the normal kinds of donuts, they were the extra fancy BIG kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited it was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to get an early start on the weekend with a party in Dr. Christianson’s class.

Dr. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, ‘Cynthia, do you want to have one of these donuts?’

Cynthia said, ‘Yes.’

Dr. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, ‘Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?’

‘Sure!’ Steve jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. Then Steve again sat in his desk. Dr. Christianson put a donut on Cynthia’s desk.

Dr. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, ‘Joe, do you want a donut?’

Joe said, ‘Yes.’

Dr. Christianson asked, ‘Steve would you do ten push-ups so Joe can have a donut?’

Steve did ten push-ups, Joe got a donut. And so it went, down the first aisle, Steve did ten push-ups for every person before they got their donut. Walking down the second aisle, Dr. Christianson came to Scott. Scott was on the basketball team, and in as good condition as Steve. He was very popular and never lacking for female companionship. When the professor asked, ‘Scott do you want a donut?’

Scott’s reply was, ‘Well, can I do my own push-ups?’

Dr. Christianson said, ‘No, Steve has to do them.’

Then Scott said, ‘Well, I don’t want one then.’

Dr. Christianson shrugged and then turned to Steve and asked, ‘Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Scott can have a donut he doesn’t want?’

With perfect obedience Steve started to do ten push-ups.

Scott said, ‘HEY! I said I didn’t want one!’

Dr. Christianson said, ‘Look!, this is my classroom, my class, my desks, and these are my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don’t want it.’ And he put a donut on Scott’s desk.

Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his brow.

Dr. Christianson started down the third row. Now the students were beginning to get a little angry.

Dr. Christianson asked Jenny, ‘Jenny, do you want a donut?’

Sternly, Jenny said, ‘No.’

Then Dr. Christianson asked Steve, ‘Steve, would you do ten more push-ups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn’t want?’

Steve did ten….Jenny got a donut.

By now, a growing sense of uneasiness filled the room. The students were beginning to say, ‘No!’ and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks.

Steve also had to really put forth a lot of extra effort to get these push-ups done for each donut. There began to be a small pool of sweat on the floor beneath his face, his arms and brow were beginning to get red because of the physical effort involved.

Dr. Christianson asked Robert, who was the most vocal unbeliever in the class, to watch Steve do each push up to make sure he did the full ten push-ups in a set because he couldn’t bear to watch all of Steve’s work for all of those uneaten donuts. He sent Robert over to where Steve was so Robert could count the set and watch Steve closely.

Dr. Christianson started down the fourth row. During his class, however, some students from other classes had wandered in and sat down on the steps along the radiators that ran down the sides of the room. When the professor realized this, he did a quick count and saw that now there were 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it.

Dr. Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was taking a lot more time to complete each set.

Steve asked Dr. Christianson, ‘Do I have to make my nose touch on each one?’

Dr. Christianson thought for a moment, ‘Well, they’re your push ups. You are in charge now. You can do them any way that you want.’ And Dr. Christianson went on.

A few moments later, Jason, a recent transfer student, came to the room and was about to come in when all the students yelled in one voice, ‘NO! Don’t come in! Stay out!’ Jason didn’t know what was going on.

Steve picked up his head and said, ‘No, let him come.’

Professor Christianson said, ‘You realize that if Jason comes in you will have to do ten push-ups for him?’
Steve said, ‘Yes, let him come in. Give him a donut.’

Dr. Christianson said, ‘Okay, Steve, I’ll let you get Jason’s out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?’

Jason, new to the room, hardly knew what was going on. ‘Yes,’ he said, ‘give me a donut.’ ‘Steve, will you do ten push-ups so that Jason can have a donut?’

Steve did ten push-ups very slowly and with great effort. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down.

Dr. Christianson finished the fourth row, and then started on those visitors seated by the heaters. Steve’s arms were now shaking with each push-up in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. By this time sweat was profusely dropping off of his face, there was no sound except his heavy breathing; there was not a dry eye in the room.

The very last two students in the room were two young women, both cheerleaders, and very popular.

Dr. Christianson went to Linda, the second to last, and asked, ‘Linda, do you want a donut?’

Linda said, very sadly, ‘No, thank you.’

Professor Christianson quietly asked, ‘Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Linda can have a donut she doesn’t want?’

Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow push-ups for Linda.

Then Dr. Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan. ‘Susan, do you want a donut?’

Susan, with tears flowing down her face, began to cry.. ‘Dr. Christianson, why can’t I help him?’

Dr. Christianson, with tears of his own, said, ‘No, Steve has to do it alone; I have given him this task and he is in charge of seeing that everyone has an opportunity for a donut whether they want it or not. When I decided to have a party this last day of class, I looked at my grade book. Steve here is the only student with a perfect grade. Everyone else has failed a test, skipped class, or offered me inferior work. Steve told me that in football practice, when a player messes up he must do push-ups. I told Steve that none of you could come to my party unless he paid the price by doing your push ups. He and I made a deal for your sakes.’

‘Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Susan can have a donut?’

As Steve very slowly finished his last push-up, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 push-ups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor.

Dr. Christianson turned to the room and said, ‘And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, on the cross, plead to the Father, ‘Into thy hands I commend my spirit.’ With the understanding that He had done everything that was required of Him, He yielded up His life. And like some of those in this room, many of us leave the gift on the desk, uneaten.’

Two students helped Steve up off the floor and to a seat, physically exhausted, but wearing a thin smile.

‘Well done, good and faithful servant,’ said the professor, adding, ‘Not all sermons are preached in words.’

Turning to his class, the professor said, ‘My wish is that you might understand and fully comprehend all the riches of grace and mercy that have been given to you through the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He spared not His only Begotten Son, but gave Him up for us all, for the whole Church, now and forever. Whether or not we choose to accept His gift to us, the price has been paid.’

‘Wouldn’t you be foolish and ungrateful to leave it lying on the desk?’

Popularity: 30% [?]

4:20 Smoke Break

Man, that’s a lot of hair, dude. :)

Popularity: 26% [?]

4:20 Smoke Break

Why not sit back and relax?

Popularity: 25% [?]

A Very Nice Story

Sometimes a bit of good news actually gets reported. Go read it, it’s quite refreshing and a nice break from this awful political season.

Popularity: 28% [?]

4:20 Smoke Break

I have no idea what this song is about — nor do I care. It’s just neat.

Popularity: 27% [?]

Charlotte Knights Baseball

Well folks, I’m off to watch some baseball. Today is the “Businessman’s Special” — well, it used to be. That’s a “politically incorrect” term, so it’s just a day game.

Anyway, I’m off to watch the Businessman’s Special baseball game. Sunny and 50 degrees with 20mph winds. Oh, this is going to be fun!

Popularity: 27% [?]

How To Go From Democrat to Republican in 6 Hours

Courtesy of my friend GM Roper:

Here in North Carolina, a handy web site can help you go from Democrat to Republican in just six hours.

Now that’s funny, right there.

Popularity: 55% [?]

North Carolina Conservative Leadership Conference 2008

NC Conservative Leadership Conference 2008

So, have you made your plans to attend? The big event Friday will be a debate between the Republican candidates for governor. I anticipate making an official endorsement for governor here after that debate. And just think, if you attend, you actually might get to meet Ogre in person!

Since it’s in Greensboro this year, I’ll not be getting a hotel, instead I’ll be driving in and out on Friday and Saturday. I anticipate this one will be as much or more fun than the past years. If you’re in or even near North Carolina, come on by!

Popularity: 23% [?]

NC Water “Crisis” Continues

Well, of course, just for the peons, NOT for government or those favored by government.

The Worst Drought In The History Of The World Ever ™ continues. And the government has been “encouraging” peasants to limit their water use with the use of non-judicial fines and other punishments. Remember, only some people are supposed to limit their water use. Some people don’t have to. And now, these stupid government rules have created, yes, ANOTHER PROBLEM!

Ready for this one?

Since the peasants (that’s working people or citizens in other words) have been responsible and reducing their water use (mostly out of fear of fines or jail time from government), the government is now complaining that they’re not collecting enough in fees! Yes, since you did as you were told and used less water, government hasn’t PROFITED enough from water sales — so they’re going to fine you more.

Yes, instead of doing the logical thing (reducing spending), they’re going to make you pay MORE for the water you’re NOT using. Hey morons in government — if you’re selling LESS water, how come is doesn’t COST LESS to sell it?

Oh, and government-favored businesses and government? Not to worry, YOUR rates won’t change — just those of the peons. And in case you’re a REAL sucker, you might actually believe the miserable, selfish bums:

Council members said they hoped the rates could go back down once the drought ends.

Liars, the damn lot of them. I’d bet my mortgage that rates wouldn’t go down if we had two hurricanes in a week.

Popularity: 16% [?]

NC Defense of Marriage

This article is pretty good. Go read. A clip:

Ask almost anyone in North Carolina to define marriage and they’ll say it’s between “one man and one woman.” Unfortunately that concept hasn’t yet made it into the state’s Constitution

So who would be opposed to defining marriage as between a man and a woman in North Carolina? Democrats, that’s who. Sorry, but that’s just the truth. Democrats in the General Assembly have continued to block allowing people to vote whether they’d like to add that to their Constitution. You see, in the Democrat’s mind, the North Carolina Constitution isn’t the people’s — no, it’s THEIRS. That’s how Democrats view government.

So yet again, pro-family forces are trying to get Democrats to allow a vote of the people. What? Democrats opposed to democracy? Ironic, isn’t it?

Popularity: 15% [?]

Charlotte: World Class … Dump

Well, Charlotte sure is moving up in the world. And they are truly becoming “world class.”

You see, that’s been Charlotte’s goal for some time now. You cannot hang around any government meeting about “the future” or any Chamber of Commerce Meeting (okay, that’s a government meeting, too) without hearing the words “world class.” It’s been that way for over 20 years now. Seriously. That’s what was behind Charlotte trying to be “Charlotte, USA” (instead of Charlotte, NC). Well, according to Forbes, Charlotte has made it. They’re World Class. World Class miserable, that is.

High taxes, high commute times, and massively high crime rates helped Charlotte get 9th place on the list of “America’s Most Miserable Cities.” Maybe next year Charlotte can do better and get a higher ranking. They’re sure trying! You can bet taxes won’t go down (it’s a liberal Democrat dominated government). Schools will only get worse. Crime looks to only increase (the chief of police is primary concerned with social work, not crime or punishment).

So congratulations, Charlotte. What you reap, you shall sow. And indeed, Charlotte has.

Hat tip to Hoosier Army Mom (because the Charlotte Chamber sure isn’t going to let people know about this one).

Popularity: 15% [?]

Breakin’ the Law, Part II

The other day I mentioned my plans to break the law. I explained why I was doing it (for my own personal safety). And William Teach mentioned that his neighbor was fined $250 for daring to purchase water from the city. I told Teach in the comments that I would just ignore such a summons (which would likely put me in jail for buying water from the city).

But perhaps I didn’t make clear what bothers me the most about the situation. You see, in this Drought To End All Droughts, this Worse Drought In The History Of The World, there is not actually a ban on using water. There’s not even a ban on washing your car. Instead, what the government really has done is just ban some people from washing their car and using water.

The real situation is more like this:

If you have received the King’s favor, if you have provided enough gifts to appease the Ruling Class, then you are permitted to use as much water as you want, for any purpose you want, including washing as many cars as you like. If, however, you are of the “lower class,” if you are a peasant, then if you DARE to use the precious water for washing your own car, you shall be jailed. That’s the part that bothers me.

I called a local police department. I used a pay phone (yes, they still exist if you know where to look). I explained my situation with my car windows being so dirty that they’re unsafe. Know what the Enforcers of the Law told me? Go seek out one of those who are blessed with the King’s favor to use their water. Seriously. When I pressed the issue, of course, I got the line, “I’m just doing my job.” It was even suggested to me that I should not drive my car if the windows were so dirty, but under no circumstances was I permitted to buy water from the city and use it to wash my car windows.

I do believe Edwards was right — there are “Two Americas.” There are people who work and there is government and those who receive government favor.

In case you think I’m making this up, perhaps it will make more sense when I explain using today’s politically correct terms. The “King’s Favor” is permission from the government in the form of permits. “Gifts” for the ruling class are fines, taxes, permits, and other fees that you must pay for the privilege of running a business. “Peasant” is anyone who does not work for government.

So the situation above is completely and totally accurate — if you are a business, and you have received permission from government to have a business, you may use as much water as you like for whatever purpose you like. The police department actually told me that instead of washing my car at my house that I should take it to a business and pay them to wash it.

Once upon a time, people were free in America. But that time has long passed. Justice is NOT blind.

Want a freedom-based solution? Raise the price of water for everyone. If you’re going to ban water usage for certain purposes, ban it for everyone equally, not just for some. These laws are wrong and unjust. And I will continue to disobey them.

Popularity: 16% [?]

Made Up My Own Little Sign

I made up My Own Little Sign and thought I’d share it with you folks today. It looks like this:

Thank you, Lord, for thinkin’ ’bout me. I’m alive and doin’ fine.

Woo!

Popularity: 20% [?]

All Hail Father Government

Gosh, the more I think about it, the more I feel like I should just join in the religion of government and just bow down and worship them. After all, did you know that with just a few hundred thousand dollars of money people earned, that government can actually stop ice from forming? Outside! During the winter! Really!

That’s what Charlotte is doing.

I’m writing this Wednesday evening. During the night tonight, there is a forecast for a light dusting of snow and perhaps 1/10″ ice. Tomorrow the high temperature is supposed to be around 40 degrees. For those (like government employees) who don’t understand physics, ice MELTS at temperatures above 32 degrees Fahrenheit. So IF there is any ice or snow during the night, it will be gone by about 9 or 10am.

But that’s not good enough for government. Instead, for around half a million dollars, the city (and many other counties in the area) are spreading WATER (mixed with a little salt) on the roads. And they’re spreading it 12 hours before the ice will come. So they can prevent ice from forming on the roads. That ice that MIGHT be there for as many as 8 hours.

Golly, is there anything father government can’t do if we just give them enough money? I’m so glad. I feel honored that I can work for months out of the year so I can pay government to spend a half million dollars to stop ice from forming on the road (maybe) for a few hours — most of which people would be asleep, anyway).

Popularity: 15% [?]

Ogre’s Fashion Tip #1

I know what you’re thinking — fashion tips from an Ogre? Sorry, but I’ve been out in public recently and quite unimpressed with the general public. I think I’m going to stay in my cave a bit longer. In the meantime, the quick fashion tip:

You women who wear those earrings in your nose (I’m sure there’s some term for them) — it doesn’t look “cute,” “good,” “sexy,” or “neat.” It just looks like you wiped your boogers on the outside of your nose. Really. You might think because it’s small that it looks neat and shiny, but it just looks like the light reflecting off a booger. That is all.

Popularity: 16% [?]

Merry Christmas

I know Teach will have this one up, but I’m posting it anyway, because it’s just great:

Merry Christmas, every one!

Popularity: 38% [?]

Snowman Army

So, do you ever find yourself doing the same thing year after year? For example, when you haul out all those boxes of Christmas decorations, do you find everything going in the same place every year? Maybe it’s comforting to you to dig out that same stuff and put it in the same place.

That’s me, I usually do that. But the other day as I was walking past the blinding lights that is my front yard during the Christmas season, I had a weird idea. And I made a couple changes. I’m sure this has nothing to do with why the homeowners’ association has been writing me letters…

Here’s the view of the nice, innocent, blow-up snowman from the front:

SnowmanArmy1

And here’s the side view:

SnowmanArmy2

Now I just need to find about 100 more of those little snowman lights… no, really, do you know where I can find more?

Popularity: 36% [?]

Monday At Work

As Drew Cary would say:

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”

Only 4 more days until the weekend.

Popularity: 19% [?]

Hot Blog Sauce

Hey, still looking for that Christmas gift for that someone who has everything (that or someone who you want to get something neat for)? I suggest Hot Blog Sauce. Yes, it’s real. And it’s darn good.

Now this likely won’t be the hottest hot sauce you’ve ever had. If you’re looking for one that burns your insides good, they do have other stuff. But this one is hot and has taste. It’s an ugly green color and moderately thick (not water-like). It’s definitely hot, but it’s also got a bit of lime and something else flavor. I love it and can’t get enough of it. Oh, and all proceeds from the profits of this item go to the American Cancer Society, too!

If you like hot sauce and blogging, this one is for you! (Disclaimer: Ogre gets no profit or payment of any kind from these people, he just likes their hot sauce)

Popularity: 14% [?]

Yikes!

Because of this, I think I need to ask for a raise today.

Popularity: 23% [?]