Ogre’s Politics and Views

I’m sure by now most everyone who wants to knows that Giuliani is expected to endorse McCain for president. As of the moment I’m typing this, he hasn’t made it “official.” Therefore, I’d like to offer to write his endorsement speech for him:

Okay, I’m done. We fought the good fight. I thought that I could ignore New Hampshire, Iowa, and South Carolina because those people are just backwoods hicks. I figured I could just throw money at Little New York (that’s Florida), and I’d win here. But apparently you people in Florida are just a bunch of lemmings, too, and you just followed the state before you. Fine, I’m done.

Now that I’m leaving the race, I plan on spending my time with my family (as soon as I remember which one is my current wife). I fought the good fight, but I lost. So to those who have supported me, I say, “Thank you very much.” Now that I’m out, however, I want all you who supported me to turn their support over to my good friend John McCain.

Why? Because he is most like me of the candidates remaining. I hate the second amendment and I fear guns. John hates the second amendment, too (and as an added benefit, John hates the first amendment, too!). I like spending other people’s money; John voted against tax cuts for people who work and earn money. I want to spend hundreds of trillions on using the military to kill people I don’t like for centuries. John also wants to continue to send troops into and across the Middle East for the next century as well.

I pretend that I’m conservative so that I can attempt to win the nomination. John pretends that’s he’s conservative so he can win the nomination. I absolutely love illegal aliens. I’ve worked much of my life to help and protect illegal aliens. I support bringing as many illegal aliens as I can into this country and giving them piles of cash and benefits, paid for by working American citizens. John supports immediate and full amnesty support of illegals and has consistently voted to give them money, supplies, jobs, educations, and houses, all paid for by taxpayers who work hard.

How can you get a better match than this? That Huckabee guy is just insane. After all, he thinks men putting their **** in other men’s **** isn’t right. I’m of the opinion that there is no absolute right or wrong. How could I possible support him? Romney, well, he’s from Massachusetts. I’m from New York. Of COURSE I hate him. He even supports the hated Red Sox, so there’s no way I could endorse him. The only other candidate remaining is that Ron Paul guy. That guy us just nuts — he actually supports the Constitution! How could anyone like him?

That’s why I, Rudy G., fully support and endorse John McCain for president. Now excuse me, I’m off to vote four or five times in the New York primary.

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Tags: 2008 Elections //