Interpreting Employment Ads
How to Interpret Employment Ads
* “Competitive Salary” - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
* “Join Our Fast Paced Company” - We have no time to train you.
* “Casual Work Atmosphere” -We don’t pay enough to expect that you will dress up.
* “Must be Deadline Oriented” - You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.
* “Duties will Vary” - Anyone in the office can boss you around.
* “Must have an Eye for Detail” -We have no quality control.
* “Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience” -You will need to replace three people who just left.
* “Problem Solving Skills a Must” - You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos. Haven’t heard a word from anyone out there. Your first task is to find out what is going on.
* “Requires Team Leadership Skills” -You will have the responsibilities of a manager without the pay or respect.
* “Good Communication Skills” - Management communicates poorly, so you have to figure out what they want and do it.
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You forgot these:
MUST BE ABLE TO WORK WITHOUT CLOSE SUPERVISION. — Must be able to work without specs, training, documentation or any other assistance because we don’t have a training or new employee orientation program and nobody documents anything.
WE ALLOW YOU TO FORWARD UNUSED PTO TIME INTO THE NEXT YEAR. — Because we work you so hard and schedule you so tight, you will never get approval for any time off.
and my personal favorite:
MUST BE ABLE TO HIT THE GROUND RUNNING AND GET RESULTS. — Because this company is in such bad shape that you will be our last vestage of hope!
Man, I know I’ve heard most of those and they always work out the way they are stated in the “real life explaination”!!! LOL!!!
lol…good one!..dont ya love newspeak too!..blech!….whatever ya do dont say the world issssslamo terrorist..shhhhhhh!
Nice additions!
Hey, Angel, is that hate speech I see there?
Oh Angel, look out girl! He’s nailed me for hate speech and political incorrectness twice this week!!!!
LOL!!!
Maybe that could be my government job — enforcing thought crimes…
Oh my… that sounds soooo You!!! I can give you a good reference since you are so good at busting my chops!!! LOL!!!
Of course, you realize if I got that job, I’d choose which laws I’d enforce…
Isn’t that in keeping with the tradition of government work anyway???
Yes, but I think I’d be enforcing a lot of different laws than are enforced now…